Dear Reader: Personal details in these stories have been altered or omitted to protect individual privacy. However, the essence and core of each story remain true to their original experiences.
I had no support from family or friends because I had hurt them so much
"Too young to understand, uneducated in life and too immature to know the difference, dysfunction, and low self esteem are a few contributing factors that led me down the road of addiction. This torture lasted over 12 years, far too long to be trapped in such a state. I ran through every substance available, I always used excessively and before I knew it, I became addicted. That was my cycle and sadly I cared for nothing else in this world. Temporarily, it would help me forget all my issues but that also didn’t last for very long and then, it doesn’t work anymore. When I was left with choices like I don’t want to live and I don’t want to die, when I had no support from family or friends because I had hurt them so much, I felt my choices became very limited. Contemplating suicide was a frequent thought, I hit many rock bottoms, thinking it couldn’t get worse then this, but it did. What I am after writing is an understatement of how horrifying drug addiction really is. Only addicts and their loved ones know this pain.
I heard of treatment and I was blessed that I got a bed. As frightened as I was becoming sober for the first time in 12 years, there was still an element of feeling safe as I was in residential treatment. After the 12 weeks I had successfully completed I made the decision to move to Dublin. I knew drugs were more widely available but I knew changing my environment was essential.
When I landed in the capital it was suggested to link in with addiction treatment facilities and that is when I discovered HOPE. I was welcomed with a smile, offered a cuppa and we sat down to talk. It was an initial assessment but in such a friendly way that it was unnoticeable. For the first time I felt a real sense of easiness and I was able to open up and let them in to help. The staff in HOPE really honed in on key issues in my life that were blocking me from achieving long term recovery. They allowed me to go at my own pace and never put me under any pressure. I started believing I could overcome my addiction. Slowly but surely HOPE helped me mould a new life. My core issues were with addiction, housing and education. Each one was dealt with love and sincerity and they really went over the top to help me. When I call into office I see numerous clients coming in and out and every single person is dealt with in the same manner, with love and respect. After years of availing of HOPEs services, I went from being a hopeless addict living in supported accommodation to completing two day treatment programmes, doing my leaving cert, getting a diploma in counselling, and getting a degree in psychotherapy. I then got a place I can finally call home and now I have started my own business. HOPE were with me every step of the way, I would have never had the confidence to go further than supported accommodation. The HOPE team have extensive knowledge and expertise when it comes to dealing with addiction problems and the North Inner City is truly blessed to have such a service.
My life has taken a complete U-turn. Reliving this does make me feel nauseous but the relief and gratitude that I have knowing that I have changed I can’t describe. I have done things that I am deeply ashamed of and at times I still find it difficult to forgive myself but that was my journey but now I can see I was a very sick person at that time.
I have gone from strength to strength in my recovery and everything I have achieved has been gifts but very recently I received something even more special, my son. I became a father for the first time and while I write this, there are moments that I look at him and he just smiles at me and it melts me and now I realise that this is the real joy of what recovery is about, for me. I never imagined that I would become a father like I never imagined I would get clean and I have to give all my thanks to my friends in the HOPE project for these precious gifts that I've been given.
I love you guys and keep up the good work."
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